Spring Break
'Choke' suffocates on its own pretenses
Kip Mooney
Issue date: 9/26/08 Section: ARTS & LIFE
Chuck Palahniuk wrote a disclaimer in his novel "Choke," saying, "After a couple of pages, you won't want to be here. So forget it. Go away. Get out while you're in one piece. Save yourself."
Unfortunately, the movie should hold the same warning.
Be prepared - this movie is a vulgar mess. Though the year's "Raunchiest Movie" title still belongs to "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay," there's still plenty you'll see here that will repulse you.
And that repulsion starts with Sam Rockwell's character.
It's hard to think of a more unlikable protagonist in recent memory than his character, Vincent, a sex-addicted con artist. Vincent's mode of operation is simply to experience some temporary pleasure.
Sometimes this is through swindling unsuspecting folks out of money. His scam is this: Vincent goes to fancy restaurants and chokes on food, finds a rich person to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him and constantly guilt trips them for money.
Other times, Vincent goes to sex addiction meetings simply to meet other addicts for anonymous, meaningless encounters.
Unfortunately, this movie again proves that an accurate movie about sex addiction is simply out of reach for most filmmakers. You'll either get a sleazy Cinemax flick or a comedy that plays their addiction for laughs.
Another problem is that the laughs don't come that often in "Choke." You'll simply feel uncomfortable.
But this isn't so-called "irritainment" like "The Office," where the uncomfortable feeling works for its offbeat humor. With "Choke," you just feel like you need a cold shower.
Between jokes and sight gags about rectal trauma, rape and immaculate conception, it's enough to make you feel like watching a "Little House on the Prairie" marathon.
But there are some things that work.
For one, Denny (Brad William Henke) is the only likable character in the entire picture. Denny is Victor's only friend both at the colonial theme park where they work (a segment I wished they would have explored more) and in real life. He actually tries to beat his addiction and is infinitely more relatable, even if most of us will never date a stripper or make a formless sculpture.
And Heather Burns, last seen as the ultra-sheltered Miss Rhode Island in "Miss Congeniality," will cause your jaw to drop and your sides to hurt as a sex addict who is possibly even more twisted than Victor. Wave goodbye to her squeaky clean image.
And that brings us to Anjelica Huston, the Oscar winner slumming it here as Victor's mother. We never really comprehend her character's illness or her reasoning behind the horrible decisions she made during Victor's childhood.
And in these flashbacks, decked out in trench coat, big hat and sunglasses, she looks as if she's auditioning for a live-action "Carmen Sandiego" movie.
But maybe that's the point Palahniuk, and now Gregg, is trying to make: Nothing in life makes any rational sense. So just find your way to deal with it.
My advice? Save your own sanity - and your money - and put it to good use elsewhere.
Unfortunately, the movie should hold the same warning.
Be prepared - this movie is a vulgar mess. Though the year's "Raunchiest Movie" title still belongs to "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay," there's still plenty you'll see here that will repulse you.
And that repulsion starts with Sam Rockwell's character.
It's hard to think of a more unlikable protagonist in recent memory than his character, Vincent, a sex-addicted con artist. Vincent's mode of operation is simply to experience some temporary pleasure.
Sometimes this is through swindling unsuspecting folks out of money. His scam is this: Vincent goes to fancy restaurants and chokes on food, finds a rich person to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him and constantly guilt trips them for money.
Other times, Vincent goes to sex addiction meetings simply to meet other addicts for anonymous, meaningless encounters.
Unfortunately, this movie again proves that an accurate movie about sex addiction is simply out of reach for most filmmakers. You'll either get a sleazy Cinemax flick or a comedy that plays their addiction for laughs.
Another problem is that the laughs don't come that often in "Choke." You'll simply feel uncomfortable.
But this isn't so-called "irritainment" like "The Office," where the uncomfortable feeling works for its offbeat humor. With "Choke," you just feel like you need a cold shower.
Between jokes and sight gags about rectal trauma, rape and immaculate conception, it's enough to make you feel like watching a "Little House on the Prairie" marathon.
But there are some things that work.
For one, Denny (Brad William Henke) is the only likable character in the entire picture. Denny is Victor's only friend both at the colonial theme park where they work (a segment I wished they would have explored more) and in real life. He actually tries to beat his addiction and is infinitely more relatable, even if most of us will never date a stripper or make a formless sculpture.
And Heather Burns, last seen as the ultra-sheltered Miss Rhode Island in "Miss Congeniality," will cause your jaw to drop and your sides to hurt as a sex addict who is possibly even more twisted than Victor. Wave goodbye to her squeaky clean image.
And that brings us to Anjelica Huston, the Oscar winner slumming it here as Victor's mother. We never really comprehend her character's illness or her reasoning behind the horrible decisions she made during Victor's childhood.
And in these flashbacks, decked out in trench coat, big hat and sunglasses, she looks as if she's auditioning for a live-action "Carmen Sandiego" movie.
But maybe that's the point Palahniuk, and now Gregg, is trying to make: Nothing in life makes any rational sense. So just find your way to deal with it.
My advice? Save your own sanity - and your money - and put it to good use elsewhere.
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